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Some Final Tips

As you finish reading this ebook, consider a few final tips that can help ensure drier mornings:

Tip #70: Be patient.

This is the advice most often given to parents about children’s bedwetting.  Although it is difficult advice to follow, it is also sound advice to a point.  Since bedwetting often corrects itself in part or in full with time, a combination of some treatments and some patience is often necessary for success.

When trying new bedwetting treatments, it is often a good idea to give the treatments time to work, as well.  There are no “instant” resolutions for bedwetting, and trying many remedies in rapid succession is not likely to work.  In fact, it will not solve the problem but will often frustrate you as well.

Tip #71: Magnetic Therapy

New research has suggested than an alternative treatment called magnetic therapy has been shown useful in treating bedwetting in some children.  A Korean University has found that children who were given treatment four times a week were less likely to suffer from Enuresis.

 In this therapy, the child’s pelvic floor is exposed to the magnetic therapy by having the child use a special magnetic chair.  More research needs to be done on this, but it is thought that in the future, this therapy will be used to treat some children.

Tip #72: Check for rashes.

Once of the only physical effects of bedwetting is possible skin irritation and skin rashes cause by having urine so close to the body.  This problem is most common in children who wear absorbent underpants or who wet the bed very frequently.  In most cases, these rashes can be prevented with frequent mild washing and maybe with a soothing cream.

Tip #73: Check for Infection

Some children, especially younger children, though, may scratch at irritated skin. Left untreated, this can cause an infection, which causes even more unnecessary misery.  If your child has an infection, you need to prevent scratching by keeping the child’s nails clipped short.   You also need to visit your doctor for a medicated cream to treat the infection.

Since bedwetting can affect the skin, it is important to care for your child‘s skin or teach your child to care for his or her skin carefully.  Any signs of skin soreness should be treated promptly to prevent unnecessary suffering or infection.  Infection is usually characterized by a wet, sore-looking skin area.  Sometimes, yeast becomes active on the skin because of the moisture.  When this happens, the skin may look bright red and spotted with pale flecks.  For this infection, the doctor will often prescribe an anti-yeast medicated cream.

Tip #74: Consider Dry Bed Training

Some clinics offer a sort of intensive and advanced behavioral modification approach to bedwetting called “dry bed training.”  This can only be done by a professional, or with professional help, as it is quite complicated.

Children using this approach learn to stop wetting the bed through a combination of urine retention training, urine alarm system, self-correction, rapid waking training, positive affirmations and reinforcement, larger water intake, and toilet training.  Some clinics and hospitals offer this program.

Your pediatrician or urologist may be able to help you find the training program nearest you.  Because of the sometimes high cost of this method, it is often restricted to those patients who have tried many other methods with no success.

Tip #75: Take care of the problems the problem causes

Even if no method is immediately available in treating bedwetting, or if no method seems to work, parents can help children cope with bedwetting more effectively, knowing that the problem will in most cases go away by itself.  Even while you are waiting for methods to take effect, though, you may want to consider treating the problems that bedwetting causes.

After all, bedwetting itself is not dangerous or a huge problem.  When children are upset by bedwetting, what they are often really reacting to are some of the problems associated with the problem.  As a parent, you can help your child deal with these problems.  When you do, your child will worry less about the problem and will be better able to handle the problem as you try treatment or as you wait for it to pass.  Some of the most common problems that children face with bedwetting are:

Tip #76: When your child thinks, “I’m embarrassed.”

Children often feel embarrassed by urinating at night, especially since it makes them feel that they are doing something embarrassing, hidden, or upsetting.  For many children, processes like urination and body parts associated with urination are embarrassing.  Bedwetting just highlights all the embarrassment that children feel about the whole topic.

You can help your child by repeatedly explaining that there is nothing to be ashamed of.  Speaking frankly of body parts and processes can help, as can explaining frankly how the body creates urine and what happens when people wake up in time or don’t wake up in time to urinate.  This will demystify the process for your child and make it seem less of an embarrassing thing.

Tip #77: When your child thinks, “Does this mean that I’m ‘bad’?”

Many children think that not controlling their bladder at night makes then “bad.”  This may come from a few places.  Children may hear adults saying “bad” to children who have had an accident (they may even see this on television).  Children may also pick up on their parents’ frustration with having to clean the sheets and bed after an accident.  The extra work a parent has to do, along with the frustration, can make a child feel guilty or even that he or she is unloved.

Reassure your child that urination is a body process and that it simply takes longer for some children to control their bladder.  Continue to praise your child when he or she makes it to the bathroom in time, and never scold or punish your child for accidents.  Make clean-up as easy on you as possible so that your child will not see you frustrated or upset as a result of bedwetting.

Tip #78: When your child thinks, “This will never get better.”

For children, time passes differently.  A problem they have had for weeks may well seem forever.  If they are the last children in their class or group of friends to wet the bed, they may feel that their problem will last “forever.”  Children who feel this may get discouraged and upset by the problem.

Reassure your child that the problem is temporary.  If possible, have other family members discuss their own bedwetting experiences (and how they overcame it) with your child.  Collect stories in the press of celebrities who wet the bed as children but outgrew it (celebrities will sometimes mention this sort of thing - or their biographers will - in interviews).  This will help convince your child that the problem is only temporary.

Tip #79: When your child thinks, “I’m not normal.”

Children of a certain age worry very much about “fitting in.”  Anything that interrupts this often causes undue upset.  Whether it is not having the “right” shoes or being different because of a medical condition, children who do not feel that they belong experience lots of stress.  If your child thinks that he or she is the last 6-year-old (or 8-year-old or 16-year-old) that still wets the bed, your child may conclude that there is something “wrong” with them.

Have your doctor talk to your child and assure him or her that bedwetting is normal.  Better yet, follow the advice above - have people that your child sees as normal talk about their childhood bedwetting.  Once your child realizes that he or she is not “strange” by wetting the bed, some of the anxiety will decrease.

Tip #80: When your child thinks, “It takes so much time and work.”

Ok, this is the cry of most parents who are faced with a child who wets the bed, but your child may also face anxiety about the upheaval that a “wet” night causes, especially if there are other people around to witness the fuss.  If your child spends lots of time trying to work with bedwetting remedies or spends extra time cleaning up, he or she may also resent the time and work bedwetting takes up.

You can make bedwetting less of a problem for you and your child by making clean-up easier.  Have your child wear absorbent underpants while trying to control bedwetting, or at least protect the bed and pillows with protective mattress liners.  Keep extra bed linens and cleaning products in your child’s room so that clean-up takes only a minute.  Do larger loads of laundry to save some time, if you can.

Tip #81: When your child thinks, “I’m ashamed.”

Many children are shamed by bedwetting - usually by the remarks made by a parent or another child.  In general, a child is made to feel ashamed because those around him or her seem to make bedwetting a big deal or a sign of failure.

You can prevent your child from being ashamed by sticking to a “no big deal” attitude yourself.   Make sure that your home is a no-tease zone and do not let other adults belittle your child.  If a well-meaning relative starts to say something to your child about wetting the bed, praise your child publicly for doing well.

Saying something as simple as “Oh, John is doing much better with that now.  We’re all very proud of him” right to an adult who is making your child feel ashamed will make your child feel better.  Positive reinforcement of any kind, in fact, will help your child.  One of the best antidotes to shame is showing your child that you love and are proud of them.

Tip #82: When your child thinks, “This means I’m lazy.”

It is one of the myths about bedwetting that it is caused by laziness.  Your child may hear this myth from another child or from an adult.  It can make your child feel as though he or she is not “good enough.”

Explain to your child how urination works and why some children cannot control their bladder until they are older.  Point out all the things that your child does (chores, help, activities, school play) that prove that he or she is not lazy.  Discuss what a myth is and explain why some people believe them.

Try saying something like, “Before, doctors didn’t know why some kids wet the bed and some didn’t, and someone thought that maybe it was because some kids were lazy.  Now, doctors know that it’s not true.  Kids wet the bed because their bodies still need to grow in some ways, but some people haven’t heard of this, and so they still believe the old idea.”

This should help convince your child that the myth is not true.

Tip #83: When your child thinks, “This means I’m stupid.”

Sadly, many people try to look for explanations in illnesses or conditions, trying to find out the “cause” behind something or trying to find out what something supposedly “means” rather than focusing on care or treatment.  Your child may also be under the impression that the lack of bladder control “means something.”  Your child may assume that there is something wrong with his or her mind, as other kids have “learned” to stay dry.

When your child hears that the body does not wake the mind up to go to the bathroom - a common way Enuresis is explained to children - the child may assume that there is something wrong with their mind that is causing the bedwetting.

Praising your child’s intellectual ability (putting good grades on the fridge or rewarding well done assignments) can help convince your child that he or she is intelligent.  You can also take care to explain that children who wet the bed do not have anything wrong with their minds at all - they are just waiting for some body parts to grow up.  This can hep reassure them that they are bright, that they just need to wait a bit longer to control their bladder.

Tip #84: When your child thinks, “I’m dirty.”

Children who wet the bed may be teased by other children about the urine odor which may linger about their clothes and rooms.  Even if this is not the case, many children associate urine with something “gross” or “dirty” and may feel disgust with their own bodies.  If skin irritation develops, children may feel even dirtier, seeing marks of their bedwetting on their skin.

You can help your child feel clean by keeping their room and clothes clean and odor-free.  Frequent washing, airing out of rooms and clothes, and use of a deodorizing cleaning product will usually keep odor away.  Room sprays can also help.  Using absorbent undergarments or sheet liners can help control odor and wetness.  Also, help your child care for his or her skin or body and ensure that they always have fresh sheets and clothes on hand to use after an “accident.”

You will also want to speak frankly with your child about urine and body waste.  Explaining where it comes from and what it is can help your child overcome some of his or her disgust.  Be sure that you do not encourage any of these negative feelings by wrinkling your nose or expressing distaste when cleaning after your child.  Any other person in charge of cleaning up after your child should be taught the same.

Tip #85: When your child thinks, “I’m angry."

This is often a case of “why did this have to happen to me?”  Children may feel that it is unfair that they have a problem with wetting the bed when others seem to have no problems sleeping a dry night.  Some children may also be angry that other tease them about it.  Anger often takes many forms, for withdrawal, to outbursts to violent flare-ups of anger with other children.

Getting your child to cool down is a top priority.  Always have your child calm down quietly by himself or herself after a display of temper or defiance.  Then, give your child a chance to tell their side of the story.

Of course, as a parent, you know that there are no answers as to why some things happen to some children and not to others.  Explain that it is unfair that not everyone develops at the same time.  Explain to your child some of the reasons behind bedwetting and sympathize with their anger.

Then, talk about what should be done when they feel anger.  Discuss why anger happens and what can be done about it.  If your child feels anger at home, you can try to encourage him or her to sit quietly, breathe deeply, and wait for the feeling to go away.

If your child is angry about being teased, try getting your child to act out what it said to him or her and have your child act out what he or she might say the next time something happens that is similar. You should not give your child excuses for expressing anger or violence, but you need to help your child deal with the feelings in a non-destructive way.

Tip #86: When your child thinks, “I’m being teased.”

Many children are teased at school for bedwetting.  While adults know that most children will be teased for something at some point, and pay the problem no mind, teasing can be devastating to a child.  Cruel nicknames such as “baby diapers” or worse can stick to a child and bring on the feelings of shame, anger, embarrassment, and worthlessness mentioned above, and this can be quite serious.

Have grown-ups talk to your child about what they were teased as a child (all the better if they were teased about bedwetting, too) and have them tell your child how the problem eventually got better.

Also, you may want to suggest to your child some things he or she can say when he or she is being teased.  The best way to do this (especially with younger children) is to play make-believe.  Have your child pretend to be the teaser, and pretend to be the child.

Have your child tell you where you are and have your child tease “you.”  Make the remarks you think are appropriate, suggest many things that the child could say.  Then, switch roles.  This game has several advantages:

•It makes the child feel in control, rather than helpless (which is the feeling teasing often creates)

•It allows the child to laugh at teasing

•It gives the child some idea of what can be said or done to teasers

•It builds the child’s confidence

•It gives you a chance to evaluate the level and type of teasing your child experiences

•It opens communication with your child. Since the child feels free to tell you what is happening through “play acting” he or she may be willing to tell you what is happening in more detail, which can help you in deciding what to do about the teasing.

Tip #87: When your child thinks, “I’m being bullied.”

One thing that you need to watch out for in terms of teasing is bullying.  Bullying is teasing that has taken a more aggressive turn.  In many cases, it escalates with time and can include actual physical violence.  Some children have even died at the hands of bullies who have targeted them.

Sometimes, it can be hard to tell when teasing has taken the turn to bullying, but in general if your child seems traumatized by the teasing he or she is getting at school, you should treat the teasing as bullying.

Also, if there is any physical aggression or any threats then the situation is certainly bullying.  Bullying is a crime in many locations and needs to be brought to the attention of parents, school authorities, and possibly authorities as well.  Bullying needs to be taken seriously at once, as it can very quickly get completely out of hand.

Of course, adults know that bullying and teasing are not caused by bedwetting - child bullies will target any child who seems unsure of themselves and any child who displays signs of being “different.”  However, bedwetting can be a sign of difference and can affect a child’s self-esteem to the point where they do make a target for other children.

In some cases, therapy or visits to a counselor can help your child get the social skills needed to deal with teasing.  In other cases, more help is needed, especially if bullying is an issue.

 In many cases, trying to deal with the bully’s parents has little effect, as not all parents can control what their children do outside the house.  Moving away is also not always effective, as teasing may simply continue at the new location.

Tip #88: When your child thinks, “I feel like a baby.”

For children, acting “grown up” is important, partly because children look up to adults so much and often want the power and control they think that adults have.  For a child who wets the bed, though, there is a sense of the opposite feelings - lack of control, and lack of power. Children who wet the bed may feel powerless.

Many children may worry that they are acting “babyish,” especially since this is one of the first accusations leveled against bed wetters on the playground.  For an adult, being called a “baby” may not be a big problem, but it can feel like a devastating problem to a child, especially a younger one who may see being a “baby” as being left behind while others in the same age group “grow up.”

To offset these feelings, make sure that your child understands that children of all ages - even children who are older - wet the bed.  It is truly not a problem of age, but a problem of bladder control, and it can affect people of all ages.  While children do eventually “outgrow” the problem in many cases, many children your child would consider “grown up” still face the same problem.

Tip #89: When your child thinks, “I hate having a big secret.”

Most children try to keep bedwetting a big secret, as they are fearful that others will find out.  However, having a large secret can affect the way your child’s relationships and can leave him or her feeling lonely.  Having a large secret is isolating, to say the least.

Plus, your child has all the stress of knowing that the secret may be exposed.  The older a child is, typically the more effort will go into keeping bedwetting a secret.  Among the things that children will do to keep bedwetting a secret are:

•Avoiding sleep overs, camping trips, and other events for fear of being “found out.”

•Avoiding bringing home other children, out of fear that someone in the home will “tell.”

•Adopting an “I don’t care” attitude or acting aloof in order to avoid getting close to others.

•Avoiding making friends.

•Staying up all night on camping trips or during sleep overs in order to prevent accidents.

•Teenagers may avoid dating.

•All children may avoid attention or notice by refusing to try to excel at school or activities.

•Acting in a “tough” or self-destructive way so that no one will guess the “truth.”

Your child may put themselves through a lot to prevent others from finding out that they wet the bed.  This can create a lot of tension in the home and also ensures that your child will not make close friends.

Worse, your child may give up fun trips or exciting events just out of fear of accidents.  This is limiting.  You certainly don’t want your child to grow up fearfully or in great tension.

Generally, whether your child chooses to tell others about their bedwetting or not is up to them.  You should never tell someone else about your child’s bedwetting - the child should be able to decide who to trust and who not to trust.

Telling anyone - even a well-meaning teacher or relative - without the child’s consent is a recipe for disaster, especially if your child is keeping the problem a secret.  Your child may simply cease to trust you and will likely feel more fearful as well as resentful.

However, you can help your child open up to others by showing your own acceptance of the problem.  If you treat the problem matter-of-factly and with sensitivity, your child may start to trust that others will, too.

Plus, you should encourage your child to spend time with others as much as possible.  Discuss things such as camping trips or other events ahead of time and discuss with your child how he or she could handle bedwetting or the possibility of accidents in such a situation.

In a way, your child may be relieved when his or her secret is finally revealed. However, it can also be a very traumatic time, especially if the “truth” is met with teasing or disapproval.

You may want to speak to your child about what he or she would feel like if someone did find out.  Discuss the responses that your child expects from others and then suggest more gentle responses that may be possible, too.  Talk with your child about things that he or she could say to negative or insensitive comments.

Tip #90: When your child thinks, “I don’t want to go anywhere.”

Many children who wet the bed show less interest in spending lots of time with others, especially if they are teased or are trying to prevent others from learning about their bedwetting.

This can lead some children to isolate themselves and can also lead to such a low state of self-esteem and happiness that children will stop their regular fun activities as well - even if those activities do not involve sleeping over or even other people.  This can be a serious sign of upset and should be taken seriously.

A lack of interest in what is happening can be a big problem of bedwetting. Children can become unenthusiastic, depressed, listless, and apathetic, leading to lack of activity and increasing depression.

You can try enticing your child’s interest in new things by encouraging him or her to take part in new activities that seem appealing.  Offer support for activities that your child has done in the past that he or she has excelled in, and offer some part of an activity as a treat.  For example, if your child has always liked baseball, buy him or her a new glove or a baseball card to revive interest.  If nothing seems to work and apathy lasts longer than a week or so, take your child to a doctor to make sure that no physical problem or serious emotional trauma are causing the disinterestedness.

Tip #91: When your child thinks, “I feel insecure.”
           
No child will simply come right out and say it that way, but there are many signs that a child is feeling that way on some level. Children who feel this way will often try to be loud to garner more attention or will be quieter and try to attract as little attention as possible.  Children may bully others or attract bullies as a target.  They may cling to the home, fearful of venturing anywhere else.  They may become quite clingy and demanding in all sorts of ways.

Insecurity is a bigger problem than many think.  It can lead to experimentation with drugs in older children who want to “fit in” and it can lead to a host of destructive behaviors, even in younger children.  It can prevent children from trying new things and hold them back from excelling.  It can also lead to image problems and feelings of unhappiness or even depression.

Building self-esteem in children is a long road, but it can be done.  Start by praising your child for the things that he or she does right.  Also encourage your child to take part in activities or try things outside the home.  Often, when a child accomplishes something “all by themselves” the pride of the success will outweigh all the positive praise possible, as it creates a real feeling of accomplishment.

Tip #92: When your child thinks, “What will others think?”

Children often worry most about other people’s reactions rather than about actual bedwetting.  Put another way, if there was no one else around, bedwetting would be far less stressful for a child as there would be no one else to know about the problem.  Many children imagine what others would say, and the imagination is always worse than the reality.  Or, your child may have had one or two experiences of being teased for the problem and now is fearful that others will react in a like way.

Either way, worrying what others will think makes a much bigger problem out of bedwetting.  Such anxiety also puts lots of stress on a child, often unnecessarily.  You can help your child overcome this problem by discussing with your child possible reactions people might have to the bedwetting and discussing what could be said in response.

If someone accuses him or her of being a baby, for example, you child can point out that lots of older kids wet the bed or tell the teaser that bedwetting is not about being a baby, but rather a condition.  Be sure to discuss possible nice or sensitive things people could say, too, so that your child is not just imagining the worst.

If your child is hesitant about other people’s reaction because he or she has already had a negative experience, you will have to work a bit harder.  Talk to your child about the incident, and consider why someone would have a bad reaction (Could they have been ignorant about bedwetting?  Could they have been having a bad day and just taken it out in that way?  Could they just be mean-spirited, saying something unpleasant about anyone, whether they wet the bed or not?).

With your child, discuss what the child would do or say in the same situation.  Then, talk about any positive experiences the child has had with people learning about his or her bedwetting and discuss possibly kind things that people could say once they find out.

This sort of role playing is very effective in having your child feel in control of situations where people learn about the bedwetting.  Often, the most frightening thing about someone’s reaction to us is that we cannot control the reaction.  Imagining what to say gives your child some of that control.  Also, imagining or remembering positive reactions will take your child out of the mind frame that all reactions will be bad.

Tip #93: When your child thinks, “This makes home feel terrible.”

Bedwetting affects not just the child afflicted with Enuresis, but rather the whole family.  In some cases, children may resent the home or may feel that their problem creates an unpleasant atmosphere at home.

Parents may disagree over the treatment options, siblings may feel jealous of the attention the child receives or may tease their sibling over the problem.  The child may also come to associate his or her bedroom with nighttime discomfort.  There are many ways that bedwetting can affect the home, and few of them are pleasant.

The best way to counteract this problem is to work together as a team.  Everyone in the family should be included in decisions that affect the whole household (decisions such as changing a sleeping room so that one child will be closer to the bathroom, for example).

You should also try to make home as un-tense as possible.  Make bedwetting less of a family upheaval by making clean-ups easy and by making the child affected help with some clean-up.  Also, make sure that you have everyone in the household agree to no teasing.  Creating a serene home environment is helpful for everyone affected by bedwetting.

Tip #94: Take it one step at a time.

You can’t expect your child to stop wetting the bed overnight.  For many children, the process takes months or years, and even then the occasional “accident” can happen. Take things one step at a time, slowly helping your child and celebrating successes (such as a week or a record three days dry in a row).  Rushing will not accomplish anything and will just put unnecessary pressure on the child.

Tip #95: Stay organized.

Try one method at a time and carefully record on paper how effective it is (the easiest way to do this is to mark off which nights are dry and which are not so that you can see if there is an improvement).  If you try several methods at once, you will have no way of knowing which remedies are working and which are not.

Tip #96: Give a method time to work before tossing it aside.

In general, most methods should give you at least some minor result within two weeks.  However, some methods may take longer to show effect. Do not be in a rush to try every method.  The goal is to help your child, and you do not want to overlook a method that would work just because you want “instant” answers.  If you have not seen improvement in a few weeks, though, by all means try some other method to see whether your child can find relief some way.

Tip #97: Combine some tips for best results.

Where no interaction is a factor, try combining tips to get great results.  For example, you can often combine natural or homeopathic alternative therapies with behavior modification.  Most tips work well with comfort tips such as protecting sheets.  Of course, you do not want to combine medications, but combining behavioral modification with some natural supplement or dietary changes may do the trick.

If you are going to be combining remedies, make sure above else that the two methods will not be dangerous together.  Then, introduce each therapy to your child one at a time so that your child can get used to each treatment and so that you can observe any adverse effects.

Tip #98: Try simplest methods first.

You want the best for your child, but the best is not always the most complicated or high tech method.  With young children, especially, simplest methods are best.  They also tend to be the most effective.  For example, low-cost moisture detector alarms have very high rates of efficiency, even when compared to high-priced training.  Look for inexpensive treatments that are simple enough for your child to understand.  If those are ineffective, then you can move on to other methods.

If you start with the most complicated gadgets and solutions, you may find yourself spending a lot money than you planned if that first treatment does not work.  Plus, if you put too much faith in the latest high-tech solution and your child’s problem is not resolved, both you and your child will have to deal with the disappointment.

Keep your expectations realistic (gradual improvement over time) and keep your solutions simple.  Both your child and your wallet will thank you for it.

Tip #99: Understand all risks before you begin

Some methods of bedwetting treatment have almost no risks (think of the honey cure or visualization, for example).  Some are risky when administered improperly (alternative or holistic medicine, chiropractic therapy) and some are risky (all medications carry risks of side effects).  Make sure that you understand what can go wrong with each treatment before you begin it.  Make sure that you can cope with the eventuality if it happens.

Of course, you should try low-risk options (behavior modification, for example) before higher risk options (such as medication).  It makes sense to keep your child safe, especially if the bedwetting issue can be resolved with no possible injury.  Move onto riskier methods if the low-risk methods do not seem to be working after a few weeks.

Tip #100: Keep your eye on the big picture

As you browse through this ebook, you may be excited that so many possible solutions exist for bedwetting.  However, do not focus on these tips so much that you lose track.

Your main goal is to make your child feel comfortable and to help your child feel happy.

If you can do this with methods for getting rid of bedwetting, then great.  However, putting the focus on your child first means that you will not lose track of your child’s comfort level as your try to help your child stop wetting the bed.

Tip #101: Love your child

If you are reading this book and trying to help your child, then you likely don’t need to be told - but does your child?  Children who are experiencing bedwetting and treatment for the problem often experience great upheavals of emotions.  They need your love more than ever, and they especially need to be told that they are loved - right now. Being affectionate and loving with your child will help reassure your child more than anything that he or she is still loved and accepted.  This can help give your child the strength to get over teasing and the other problems associated with bedwetting.

Don’t just assume your child knows you love them - especially if you have been short-tempered with them concerning bed wetting or bedwetting treatment.  Tell them.

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